When I was in my final year of high school, I took a preparation course for the TOEFL iBT test. Upon the completion of the course, our Australian teacher hugged each student in the class. Although Vietnamese teenagers are generally open-minded now, I still saw the embarrassment on the cheeks of some classmates. Even I did not feel so natural. However, we understood the teacher's culture, so we were fine with the gesture.
After that, I wanted to try out this culture in my society, of course within reasonable limits. I hugged a close friend when she felt bad about her Math grade. Almost immediately, she stared at me. Maybe she was not familiar with my new expression. I embarrassingly explained to her that the hug was meant to support her emotionally. In order to escape from the awkwardness, I quickly reverted to back to my former self.
However, I observed that the gesture was applied naturally in some special situations. When we are really emotional, we hug one another as an expression of empathy. In my high school graduation ceremony, my classmates cried and hugged me. The graduation ceremony has a special meaning in Vietnam, and I believe it does so in many other countries as well, as it marks a turning point in one's life and the time for separation. Each will begin his own new journey in a city far away from his hometown, or maybe in a foreign country, alone.
hugs and tears in a high school graduation ceremony
When I first came to NUS, I had to adapt to a new environment. There were some evenings I looked out the window finding a bicycle on the street- in Vietnam, students ride bicycles to school- or murmured a favorite song: "Old school days with many dreams, there were many times I wished to pick the stars on the sky. Then when I grew up day by day, friends went far away, these days went far away..." Once there was a bad thing happened to me, I cried alone, suddenly desired a warm hug to energize me. I suddenly realized the meaning of the hug to Asian people. Gestures are sometimes more efficient than words in touching one's heart.
There was once, one of my close friends was faced with a problem. He was a really good student with an awesome CAP. He was about to start his PhD soon after he graduated. One day, the doctor told him that he had signs of cancer and he was shocked tremendously. When I saw him sitting quietly and despairingly, I really wanted to comfort him but did not know how. I was in a state of dilemma and did not know how to respond to this situation. For the Westerners, hugging their friend would be a natural action, but I could not, as I knew he would be surprise if I were to do so. He saw my hesitation and smiled, and began the conversation with me. Finally I comforted him without any hugging. (Fortunately, things are over now. My friend was totally healthy. Thanks, God)
Singapore is also an Asian country. I think the perception of hugging here is generally the same as that in Vietnam, or maybe a little bit more liberal. Actually, the gestures support the feeling expression in many ways but the idea is to apply them flexibly and suitably due to each specific culture and circumstance.
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Thank you Bernard and Shi Ying for the feedback :)
Edited: 14 Oct, 2012
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Thank you Bernard and Shi Ying for the feedback :)
Edited: 14 Oct, 2012
Hello there Thao!
ReplyDeleteI never knew hugging is such a sensitive issue back in Vietnam. I wouldn’t say for all Singaporeans, but I feel that hugging is rather more liberal in Singapore compared to in Vietnam. Of course, this would differ in relation to our gender. Females are generally more open to hugs while I hardly see males doing so, especially due to the cynical views from the public if they were to do so. The place and time where the event happens play a very big part as well, normally due to happiness or sorrow-ness.
Physical touch is a very powerful tool and I regret that no one was there to give you a hug when you needed at that time point of time. I am lucky because I have a lot of sisters and whenever I needed one, I would go to them and hug them randomly, without them feeling awkward or stare at me. A way out for you is that, you can try go to one of your closest friend and ask for a hug. I believe they would gladly offer one. =) Do not worry, this method is tested and effective all the time. XD
I guess whenever we offer a hug or ask for a hug, we need to look at the time, the place and the people. Generally, people are more liberal nowadays, but hugging a random person would be totally weird.
Below are some grammatical errors etc that I suggested. Hopefully it helps! Do ask me if there's anything that you do not understand!
1) In Western countries,...While In Asian countries , it is perceived to be a little bit more serious, and is attached to the relationship between two people.
2) … the teacher, who came from Australia… (or you can write it as --> Upon completion of the course, our Australian teacher hugged each of the student in the class.)
3) Actually, Vietnamese teenagers are more or less open-minded now, but I still saw the embarrassment on the cheeks of some classmates. (I think you can make do without the word ‘Actually’ in front. =))
4) When we are emotional, we hug one another as an expression of empathy.
5) The graduation ceremony has a special meaning in Vietnam, and I believe it does so in many other countries as well, as it marks a turning point in one's life and the time for separation.
6) Sometimes the words were meaningless, it was the gesture that came into one's heart. (what do you think of writing in this way -->Action speaks louder than words, and sometimes it is these small little gestures that touches ones heart rather than words.)
7) Once one of my close friends had a problem. (There was once, one of my close friend was faced with a problem.)
8) Then in an unfortunate day, the doctor conveyed that he had a warning sign of cancer. This shocked him tremendously. (One day, the doctor told him that he had signs of cancer and he was shocked.)
9) For the Western people, maybe they would hug the unfortunate friend but I could not, and I knew he would be surprised if I did so.( For the Westerners, hugging their friend would be a natural action, but I could not, as I knew he would be surprised if I were to do so.
Shiying
Dear Shi Ying,
DeleteI guess Vietnamese is liberal today, maybe my perception is still a little bit traditional. Today if you, a foreigner, hug a Vietnamese, he may be surprised but won't stare at you. We are open to foreign culture. It's just that the communication between Vietnamese people is still affected by traditional customs.
It's so nice to have many sisters to share the feelings. I just have 1 younger brother. My close girl friends are now in either Vietnam or another country. Maybe I should find a new close friend to "book" a hug ^^
Oh, and thank you for your grammatical suggestions.
Hey Thao,
ReplyDeleteI think your post is very well written. I can sense the emotions written all around the post and it captivates me. I think that my response is generally the same as Shiying's. Singaporeans are more receptive to hugging and I suspect that it might be due to the openness of our society in accepting other cultures. I dont think the earlier generations of Singaporeans are open to hugging as compared to now.
As for grammar error, I shall add on to what ShiYing has commented:
(1)I would not say "Hugging is a special culture". It is not special because many people do hug each other. However the meaning of each hug differs from culture to culture. So perhaps you can write "Hugging is a common phenomena witnessed by many people yet it symbolise differently."
(2)"whose" usually refers to a person. "which" refers to an object. You should use "which" instead of "whose" for culture.
(3)You can use the word "generally" to replace the word "more or less". It is the same meaning but it sounds more professional.
(4) Maybe you could illustrate what do you mean by "normal style". It is unclear in the way you wrote it. Perhaps you can consider writing in this manner:
"I embarrassingly explained to her that the hug was meant to support her emotionally. In order to escape from the awkwardness, I quickly reverted to back to my former self".
(5)I think you can change this sentence from "I felt too confused to say anything" to "I was in a state of dilemma and did not know how to respond to this situation".
Dear my senior,
DeleteI have to say that you have an effective writing style. You can express the ideas detailedly, precisely but concisely. And you usually give me helpful feedback, I really appreciate it.
Thank you very much :)
Dear Thao,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your post and I go agree with you. Although hugging is perceived to be an expression of affection and warm sentiment it is not widely practiced in Asia. I love the part about how you wanted a hug to comfort you, I can relate to it. My initial homesickness in Singapore left me emotional about many things and all I wanted was a hug and some kind words from a close one.
I can also relate to the part about the high school graduation ceremony.Throughout this course, I think a very important fact I have learned is that despite being from different cultures and countries, certain gestures, feelings and thoughts remain the same. I guess this is what unifies the human race from all the different cultures in the world.
I really enjoy reading your posts.
Cheers,
Rohit
Thank you again for a highly detailed, interesting post, Thao. You present the significance of the "hug" via a number of scenarios, showing how it carries lots of weight in Vietnamese society. I especially like the way you relate its meaning in the graduation ceremony , and how you reflect on your arrival in Singapore and how you would murmur poems to yourself, needing that special hug.
ReplyDeleteThere is only one statement in your post that I might take issue with: "In Western countries, it is just a social expression of greeting, cheering and sympathizing."
This seems like an oversimplification to me, a gross generalization. Do you know why?
Dear Brad,
DeleteMaybe because the hug in Western countries is also used when people are emotional? I guess the collection of uses of hug in Asian countries is generally the "subset" of that in Western countries, yet is different in the way people perceive it.
Hi Thao!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy reading your posts, and I wanna say you write in a interesting way that cappers the reader.
I also agree with Brad on it. Norway is a Western country and we don't hug that much, only if there is something special and its one of your close friends. But when I came to singapore I noticed that many other exchange students hug, across genders and just as a greeting. In the beginning I felt it was weird, but I got used to it and maybe to used to it. I hugged one of the local guys when I saw him and he was quite shocked. So I think it can also depend on family and friends to and not just the culture.
Hugs!
Hi Sumea,
DeleteI would not be shocked if you hug me, haha. I've never received a hug yet since I came to Singapore. I am surprised to hear that people don't hug much in Norway. Yah perhaps it depends more on family and friends than on the culture. Although you do not hug much, you are still a friendly and approachable friend, Sumea :)
Hugs!